So, where have I been? I spent a couple of months in Figment-land. Apparently there was a big dispute about whether adjectives are good or bad in literature. Little Bo Peep and her crew were in favor; those with shorter names were often not in favor. It was a mess. After the Figments, I went to Cawdor High, but it was on something called “summer break”. No one there. I did hear a rumor that Riley and Mr. Boogerschniggle had moved o...

Out of the Holding Pen
Uncategorized / August 6, 2015

I was captured by The Conductor for a few months. Now that I’m free again, I’ve discovered a thing called Wattpad and decided to try my  hand (and foot, if it lets me) at it. My current story starts here:  

How I Art Greatly (How to Be an Amazing Writer)
Uncategorized / April 15, 2015

Okay, I don’t art greatly. I don’t even art modestly. But I  am a pretty amazing writer. I tend to watch people a lot. For one thing, it’s funny and I like the free entertainment. For another, it gives me more things to write about. I’ve noticed lately, though, that people aren’t very kind to themselves about writing. I want to write, but I always write garbage. I thought I wrote something wonderful, but...

Driving License
Uncategorized / March 16, 2015

I can’t drive. I did once and was told I needed a driving license or I could go to jail. I escaped here to I wouldn’t have to go to jail!  I tried to get a driving license, but you need Soshal Security for that. I’m a little confused what Soshal Security has to do with Soshal Meedya. Does it protect you from getting frozen by Soshal Meedya? Whatever it is, I can’t drive or get a real job because of it. So, ins...

Vampires Are Real!
Uncategorized / March 14, 2015

I was sloshing along the sidewalk, aiming for every patch of shade, when some wonderfully nice humans offered me cookies, orange slices, and water.  I happily sat and chatted with them for fifteen minutes, then they took me inside an air-conditioned truck and let me lie down.  So nice! They asked me a few questions that seemed a little personal, but I figured they were just trying to get to know me, so I answered.  Just as I got comf...

I’m Melting!
Uncategorized / March 13, 2015

I left the frozen Midwest and went to California. California means sunshine and warm, right? Well, right, but someone must be messing with the temperature controls.  It’s March.  The temperature is hot. Don’t ask me how hot. I’m melting. I can’t type for long. No one warned me that Figments can melt.  I bet that’s really what happened to the Wicked Witch.  She was from a dry story and someone moved her t...

Insurance
Uncategorized / March 10, 2015

Someone named Taylor Swift (she of the Pegicorn costume) insured her legs for forty million dollars.  This means that if her legs go on strike, she gets money. If this were Jonathan Swift, he’d insure his wit. If it were Shakespeare, he’d insure his words. I’m not sure what a Figment insures.  My character? What would you insure?

Time
Uncategorized / March 5, 2015

I’m having an issue with time. It flows in a straight line here. No jumping around. No occasional skips or repeats. People actually wait for things. You could grow old doing that. I went to a library yesterday. I saw three people reading, eleven talking over homework, two browsing the aisles, one talking to a librarian, and forty-seven on computers. Based on those odds, all my books will need to be in electronic form just to ha...

What is Data Limit?
Uncategorized / March 3, 2015

Apparently I hit a Data limit and was unable to Enter Net. I’m not sure what an android has to do with limiting my posts, but it happened.  Maybe it was out of respect for the pointy-ear guy who went to the Captain’s Table. #LLAP I tried to use something called WhyFie.  Who knew Shakespeare had a hand in the EnterNet? I couldn’t Pass the Word, though, so I had to wait until the Data limit went away. Lyphe is so incr...

To Sleep, Perchance
Uncategorized / February 26, 2015

I learned something new today: I need sleep in this world!  I was feeling a little tired, so I had coffee– not my favorite drink, but it usually does the trick.  Coffee must work differently here; I felt like a Split Personality. Very unpleasant, all my thoughts running everywhere. I may steer clear of caffeine in the future. Two hours later, I suddenly ran out of energy as if a Leech had sucked it from me. I had a wave of dizz...

Arrived in Mini Soda
Uncategorized / February 22, 2015

I’m very confused. The state is named Mini Soda, but there’s no soda here. It’s all water! Lakes, lakes, and more lakes.  If I ask for soda, I’m asked if I want a pop.  Why would I want to pop?! I came here to get away from the snow and cold, but there’s plenty of cold today.  I don’t know what Fair in Height and Sell See Us has to do with temperature, but if the numbers are small, it’s cold!...