Needed: Social Reality Manager
Uncategorized / October 25, 2016

So… my social reality manager quit. I’m a Figment. I’m not real. I have to have a real person to interact with reality for me. I’ve had the same person since the very beginning.  Unfortunately, she up and quit on me due to what she called “the stresses of the job”. This means I’m now limited in how I can interact with my beloved fanbase. Apparently Facebook frowns on unreal people using their service, so I no longer have a Facebook presence. Twitter and Google appear to me more forgiving, so I’ll continue to use Twitter when I remember to and, perhaps, I may get around to using Google+ more. However, if you’re used to finding me on Facebook, you may want to either start checking here occasionally or to follow me on Twitter (@Zanzibar7writer) or Google+ (Zanzibar 7 Schwarznegger). Updates will still be posted to both sites. Thanks. Back to working on NaNo prep now. Less than one week to go.

Monday Motivation: #BeTheLight
Motivation Monday / July 11, 2016

I’m a humor writer. This means I’m funny, all the time, upbeat, and smiling. Wrong. I’m a humor writer. This means I use humor to deal with the tougher things in life, whether it’s the pain of watching someone decline from Alzheimer’s or tough topics like divorce, abuse, and bullying. It means humor is my triage for life. Unfortunately, there’s been a lot of real life stuff lately and I seem to have lost my ride back to the Figments world (who closed that plot hole?). That makes writing humor harder– and more necessary– than ever. You would think a humor writer would always have jokes on the tip of his tongue, but I’m a terrible joke teller. Two Figments walk into a bar. One ends up with an en-dash; the other an em-dash. Not very funny. My humor tends to be from life. But we need more humor out there, so I’m going to ask for your help. On 7/14 (that’s Thursday, for those who do dates flipped around as 14July), spread humor on social media. Funny cat videos (because who doesn’t like laughing at cats when they use up one of their nine lives?), personal anecdotes, or just…

Publishing a NaNoWriMo Book: What About Publicity?
NaNoWriMo Prep / October 5, 2015

First, a disclaimer: this is not one of my stronger areas.  I’m a Figment. We don’t have social media. We once burned Writers at the stake (and, accidentally, at the steak). I’m so bad at this that I hired a social reality person.  (Which reminds me that I need to fire her and hire someone else, but that’s not part of this post.) A lot of first-time writers don’t start publicity for their books until after they’ve published. At the very least, they wait until release week and spam everyone with their excitement. Excitement-flavored potted meat is not nearly as tasty if you’re not the one who created it. You really need to start setting up your social media before you ever start writing. The real trick, you see, is that social media is about connection, not about potted meat. If you start connecting with people before you get excited about your book, they will get excited with you because you have a connection. If you toss it out there before they know you, you’re a telemarketer. Even telemarketers don’t like telemarketers. Now that you’re caught up on your homework (you are caught up, right?), here’s your next assignment: get…

Driving License
Uncategorized / March 16, 2015

I can’t drive. I did once and was told I needed a driving license or I could go to jail. I escaped here to I wouldn’t have to go to jail!  I tried to get a driving license, but you need Soshal Security for that. I’m a little confused what Soshal Security has to do with Soshal Meedya. Does it protect you from getting frozen by Soshal Meedya? Whatever it is, I can’t drive or get a real job because of it. So, instead of driving, I walk a lot or let other people drive. This is another odd Reality custom. Why can’t you just think about where you want to be and end up there immediately, like in books?  Cut out the boring part, I say. There are a lot of licenses here. I even need a card if I want to get my books from the big building on the edge of town… then I have to return them when I’m done! If anyone can explain what’s secure about Soshal Security and how it works with Soshal Meedya, let me know.